The Unwritten Rules of a Crawfish Boil
(If you break these, everyone notices)
There are two types of people in Louisiana:
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People who grew up going to crawfish boils
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People who are about to get silently judged
A crawfish boil isn’t just food — it’s a social event with rules nobody explains to you… until you mess up.
So if you’ve ever been invited to “come pass a good time,” read this first.
Rule #1 — Don’t Ask What Time We’re Eating
If the invite says 2:00, that means:
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2:00 = show up
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3:30 = crawfish arrive
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4:30 = first batch
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6:00 = “okay now they perfect”
A crawfish boil runs on vibes, propane, and the boil master’s mood.
You eat when he says you eat.
Rule #2 — Never Touch the Pot
There is always one person in charge.
Not the homeowner.
Not the host.
The boil master.
You do not:
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lift the lid
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stir
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add seasoning
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ask if they’re done
You may only say:
“Smells good.”
Rule #3 — The First Batch Is a Test Batch
Nobody admits this out loud.
The first batch is:
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too spicy
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not spicy enough
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slightly confusing
Everyone eats it politely while forming strong opinions.
The second batch is the real batch.
Rule #4 — Don’t Make a Tiny Pile
This is the fastest way to be identified as a rookie.
Correct behavior:
Dump a mountain → eat slowly → socialize
Incorrect behavior:
Take 7 crawfish → return every 3 minutes
You’re making the boil inefficient.
Rule #5 — You Better Know How to Peel (Or Act Like You Do)
No one will teach you unless you ask quietly.
The confident beginner move:
Twist, peel, attempt, nod like that was intentional.
The forbidden move:
“Can you peel these for me?”
Straight to Louisiana jail.
Rule #6 — Corn Is Currency
People who say crawfish is the best part are lying.
The ranking:
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Potatoes
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Corn
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Sausage
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Mushrooms if present
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Crawfish
If someone gives you extra corn, they like you.
Rule #7 — The Table Is Not a Table
Newspaper = plate
Ground = acceptable
Standing = normal
If you’re looking for forks, you misunderstood the event.
Rule #8 — You Cannot Leave After Eating
You must stay at least 45 minutes after your last crawfish.
Otherwise it means you came just to eat
…and people will remember that forever.
Rule #9 — Wet Naps Are Not Optional
Someone always forgets them.
That person becomes:
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the towel sacrificer
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the hose user
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or the ride home smelling like seafood
Rule #10 — The Boil Ends When People Start Talking About the Next Boil
No one announces it.
It just slowly transitions from eating → stories → weather → LSU → another boil next weekend.
That’s how you know you did it right.
Final Rule
If you leave smelling like seasoning and smoke…
You were invited back.
If not…
You were a guest.